Trophy Wife, B.S.
Picking a college major is one of the most influential decisions a student must make. Slews of factors such as personality type, academic strengths, social skills, circadian rhythms, and Starbucks availability serve as driving forces that a student must carefully consider. Being an 18-year-old young woman, I came to the most natural conclusion for my profession of choice: B.S. in Biomedical Engineering. Many people scoffed at my decision; some went as far as to say I had made a mistake. It is a well known fact that women have a high aversion to any task that includes mathematics or science, as such tasks conflict with the maternal drive. Not only that, but the field is composed of socially-awkward elitists who may or may not be asexual. Rather than engineering, many have argued I would be better off teaching, nursing or interior decorating to cater to my “natural-born strengths”. Though these individuals surely have my best interest at heart, I have a more powerful agenda for selecting this particular major: the acquisition of a husband.
Engineering is a man’s world. Today only 20% of all engineering undergraduates are women. To some, this figure may seem daunting; however, to me it is a sign of encouragement. Unlike my non-engineering undergraduate female compatriots, I have essentially maximized my college opportunity. How? By picking a field of study wherein selecting a future husband is easier than finding a gaggle of sorority girls on campus.
Indeed, no woman would voluntarily become an engineer to help “further” society, nor to try and “cure” the ailing world that seeks some source of reform from its up and coming generation. Instead, we female engineers focus on the more tangible achievement of finding successful, albeit pasty, men to make us shining trophy wives. Engineers are the perfect husbands due to the constant job growth and security of the job market they enter, which provides the most important aspect of a relationship: financial stability. Several factors within the engineering community make this endeavor nearly fool-proof.
First, the men of the engineering community are not in touch with their inner fashion sense. Indeed, it seems the endless semesters of calculus have successfully smothered any sense of matching and/or affinity for clothes that do not intentionally stretch. The physical standards male engineers maintain are nearly identical to those of the blind community. Wearing makeup, though it may seem like a necessity in more public oriented careers, seems like an extra-special step for a female engineer. Not only that, but Victoria’s Secret is virtually unknown to most men in this academic fraternity. Though this reasoning may seem shallow, its effectivness is nearly unparalleled. Dressing with care and an ounce of sexuality enables a young lady to befriend the 58 boys in her 60 student chemistry lab without a second’s effort.
Next, it is a well known fact engineers are bereft in the department of social skills. Naturally, when it comes to designing pacemakers, bridges, or circuit boards, there is little time for chit-chat. Yet again, this falls to the advantage of the female engineer due to her natural social inclination and prowess. History has always regarded women as the gentler, more talkative sex, an ability that could easily work to assist in the verbal enchantment of a future husband. Undoubtedly, this skill would go unnoticed in majors such as English, accounting or sociology; however in this environment, it is an anomaly. Statistics have shown male engineers are swayed by pretty words when they come from someone lacking a Y chromosome. Thus, the social advantage women possess furthers the female engineer’s quest during husband-hunting season.
Some philosophy majors may argue that this facade is a cruel and ridiculous show to maintain. Indeed, the academic rigor and labor-intensive work that accompanies an engineering degree has been considered inhumane. If a young lady truly wishes to succeed in getting a man to “put a ring on it”, she may be forced to actually learn and/or engage in the academic sphere. Though it may seem unnatural, women are more than capable of keeping up with men in these tasks, so long as it is for the pursuit of the greater good: matrimony.
All things considered, my choice of major no longer seems quite so absurd. Like many other female engineers, I am only looking to preserve the sanctity of traditional values, despite the facade of academic equality. Until Arizona State University is willing to introduce its own trophy wife major, I will remain an engineer.
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